"Just wait til your second one"

"Just wait til your second one"

I heard this statement so often while I was expecting our second child.  I couldn't understand why everyone would say such a horrible thing to a young mom who was so excited about the arrival of her baby.  It seems like I must have heard it a hundred times during those months leading up to his birth.

Our first son was easy, compliant, said "yes mam," and  "no sir," went to bed when we wanted him to, stayed in bed and called my name in the mornings to ask if he could get up, ate what I fed him and really just slid easily in to our lives without any disturbance for the most part.  When I found out I was pregnant shortly before Landon turned two, I thought I had this whole mothering thing figured out....but everywhere I went I seemed to hear those cruel words that insinuated that I was going to have a wild child, an out of control, totally opposite, little hellion...that's what I felt like they were saying, and often I would say things back to them like, "I don't receive that or I'm not planning on having a bad child."  

When Elijah was born, I remember calling him my "joy bringer" day after day.  He was happy and playful and I wanted the words I spoke to him and about him to be positive to combat all those negative ones that people so freely through around.... I don't really remember whether he cried much.  I am pretty sure he was a great sleeper and eater, but he didn't walk until he was about 17 months, when his baby brother was 3 months old.  Imagine carrying an infant carrier on one arm, a 25 lb baby on your opposite hip and a three year old holding your hand in the parking lot, in to church, treks to the park...those were sweet days for which I will always be thankful for but you will surely understand why much of his early years were a blur...3 little boys under 4...."do you know what causes that?  Just another one of those things that people felt so comfortable asking me, it didn't matter whether they knew me or not...how rude!

A few things I remember about those years when I spent my days changing diapers, cleaning the kitchen 5 times a day, Buzz Lightyear and Spiderman costumes, nursing a baby while potty training their brother, having bible studies and accountability groups with friends during naptime or late at night after our babies were sleeping, and crying with each other about how we believed we had failed our families that week, encouraging each other that God's grace was for us AND our children...times like this were a life saver during those years!!

When life was happening, I would hear those voices that said "just wait til your second one," when he figured out the child proof lock on the front door a month after he learned to walk and wound up in the culdesac near a very busy road.  And when he dumped  a bowl of spaghetti on his head as I was making a bowl for someone else, and the time that he disappeared during nap time and I was sure he had run away at 2 years old but thankfully found him IN my bathroom sink, sound asleep, with a concoction of soap, toothpaste, and lotion in a cup and he had painted a masterpiece on my mirror with my toothbrush.  His sweet little fingers were all shriveled up because he had fallen asleep with them in the cup of toothpaste stew...

...."just wait til your second one."

The next few things I remember aren't so comical to think back on but they give even more meaning to those words that have come to mean something so different to me than what they meant to the people who said them...I remember being angry ALOT at those sweet little boys.  I read every book out around the turn of the century on raising boys and I learned about their need to create and destroy, their need to be outside and explore, that there would come a time when they would need their daddy's approval much more than my hugs but none of them really addressed the real issue I was dealing with.  It wasn't those boys that were the problem, there were things in my heart that needed some tweaking....those things couldn't have ever come to the surface and I would have never realized the need for them to if I hadn't had to "just wait til my second one."

Lots of opportunities to trust the Lord for wisdom, and strength, and grace, and mercy came over the next decade plus a few years as we realized that over half of what worked with the first boy didn't work for the second and probably weren't going to work for the third...ha-ha, our fourth child was a girl, so everything was different with her. The thing I hope to leave you with is that if ever you hear me say, "just wait til your second one," it would be said to encourage you to look forward with great expectation and what I mean is that you will have amazing-grace moments to surrender your ways for His ways...that little girl or boy that might challenge you in more ways than you thought possible is part of a beautiful plan, not just for their own life but for yours.  That you will continue to have moments when all you can do is trust that God is for you, He loves you completely, and He loves that second one even more than you do.

             In honor of my joy-bringer, Elijah Parker, for whom I am so thankful.  Without him there are so many lessons that I wouldn't have learned, so many parts of my heart that might have stayed hard, so much grace that I would never have received.   It's hard to give what you have not received, so I can thank him and my sweet Jesus for allowing me to receive grace upon grace upon grace so that I can be a giver of grace and not much brings more Joy to a momma than to know that her children walk with God in truth and grace-3 Jn. 1:4.

French toast, Fiascoes, and Freedom

Yesterday I made french toast for breakfast.  For someone who really enjoys being in the kitchen and trying new things as much as I do, making french toast should have just been a normal thing....The truth of the matter is, I have basically been avoiding french toast for well over 20 years unless you count the two absolute fiascoes when I attempted to make it when my boys were little, but I don't think the soggy, drippy, wet bread would have even fit in to a french toast category.

I started thinking about french toast in October...no kidding...I am a slow mover.  Finally one cold Saturday morning in January I got the courage to make it.  When I first thought of it back in the fall, I started asking my self questions about why I hadn't made it and these were the things that came to mind...  I loved when my mom would make french toast when I was little.  I am not easily intimidated in the kitchen.  I love to try new things and don't have a problem reading a recipe or making things up as I go, so why had I avoided offering my family sweet, cinnamonny, eggy, bread for breakfast?  The answer was the beginning of recognizing  some cold hard facts about myself.  I had been living scared and the reason was based on a past failure that I just wouldn't let go...Now, just know, I have failed at a LOT of things in the kitchen and other rooms of my home and many other areas of my life...I want to start looking at these things as opportunities to learn to do something better next time as opposed to a failure because when you decide as a young mom with three little boys under 4 that you are a failure at making french toast, it might take you a while to get over it and you might start to believe lies about yourself in other areas of your life.

I had almost decided in the late Nov, early Dec when I started thinking of my word for 2014 that I would just skip a word for this year until it seemed that no matter what book I was reading, what Pinterest board I was perusing, or what verses came to mind, the word courage just kept leaping off the page or screen at me!  Courage was what I lacked to make french toast, I had been living like the cowardly lion and was in a place of frustration feeling like my feet were bound and there would be no moving forward.  There were several specific areas that I could see this lack of bravery at work and I realized that I had to allow God to change me in 2014.  I don't choose my word of the year as a resolution but to lead me through the year in an area of character growth or quality that I feel like I am lacking in. On a daily basis, I ask myself what would courage do in this situation. I love the quote I read today that said, "You have a choice to make.  You can make this your excuse or you can make this your story."

Rewind to a day in January and I am at Aldi...for some reason bread was 19 cents a loaf....I decided that day that I WILL MAKE FRENCH TOAST!  So early on Saturday morning, I gathered all the ingredients, set up my work station and proceeded.  One by one, as kids staggered down the steps and to the table, they each were very blessed by their breakfast(except for one, but she is a picky little thing) Little did they know that Courage had made their breakfast that day and I am trusting that courage will do many things in and through me this year, that I could have never done without it.

What lie are you still believing?  What things are you or your family missing out on because you are living scared?  Will You let this be your excuse or make this YOUR story?

Which Season is It? Not so much about the weather

     Rick opened the back door this morning and asked me to come out for a minute.  Thinking that he wanted to show me something in the garden, or listen to his thoughts about how to implement an idea from my Backyard Dreams board on Pinterest, I excitedly stepped out the back door.  "Isn't that amazing?" he asked.  I hesitated and looked around.  "Can you believe how great it feels out here?"  There was a refreshing chill in the air, one we hadn't felt in a long time, almost as if the season is changing....but wait it's August 15, that can't happen right now.   I am left with a dilemma of what to do with this out of the ordinary day, (or few upcoming, non-ordinary days) that don't make much sense in the mind of a non-meteorologist. I love the crisp, refreshing morning, but I enjoy it more because I've experienced the days that weren't so refreshing or beautiful.

    It definitely is not your typical mid-August weather here in the south, but come to think of it, there has been very little about this  summer that has been typical or normal.  We experienced days on end of rain and clouds, not just our late afternoon thunderstorms that we normally have for most of June.  In July, temperatures only reached 90 degrees 4 days compared to last year when temperatures were sweltering, only giving us four bearable days were below 90.

       Far fewer days were spent at the park or the pool this summer.  Our kids may have played indoors a lot more; read more books, played more board games and probably a bit more video games.  I started the summer expecting arguments and disagreements and the frequent need to referee but was pleasantly surprised at the end of the summer that I had hardly blown my referee whistle and that our home had been overall ...peaceful. Truthfully, another out of the ordinary surprise of Summer 2013.
  
     Our grass is still green and alive which is great unless you are one of our four sons wishing it was brown and crackly so there would be longer periods between mowing.   Our water bill has been less because we haven't had to water our garden or front porch plants, or wash as many loads of beach towels.   Our tomato plants thrived in all this rain, but not many of the other veggies we planted did very well at all.

   Sometimes, seasons are confusing, unpredictable, or inconsistent, whether natural seasons of the year or seasons of life that we experience, but the truth of the matter is that another season will follow this one, and then another, then, another.  Each season isn't always better than the one before but there is always benefit in each and without the hard ones, the ones that seem unbearable like last summer when 27 days of July were between 90-104 can we have appreciation for the easy pleasant ones.

    I'm hearing lots of chatter about seasons right now.  Yes, the change from summer to fall but also that we, as the body of Christ are entering in to a new season.  Just as we may not understand every thing that will happen during the next season; whether revival breaks out in our country or town, whether our unsaved loved one comes to know Jesus, or whether this is the hardest season we have ever walked through, we can trust that just like the sun was there behind the clouds every rainy day in June doing the things the sun does, we can know and trust that our loving God, who knows 10, 50, 100 seasons from now, is with us, completely unchanged by the clouds and circumstances of the day or the season  and He is doing what God does.  He always loves us and He is always good and we can always trust Him to work things together for the good of those who are His.

   

A Letter to the Newlywed Me-Note to Self

It's been 20 years since we committed to spend the rest of our lives together.  What were we thinking? There was quite a bit of opposition to us getting married, he was just barely 18(and now we have a child that's almost 18)and I had been pretty fickle and around the block a time or two(or too many to count) when we had my fairy tale wedding(that was way too long and had way too much pink and too many flowers).  I apologize to all of my attendants who had to endure those dresses.  I would do so many things differently if I was getting married today, but I would marry the same guy, over and over again!


Some of these things we did and I know they have made our marriage great!   Others of these, we didn't do and on this side of twenty years, I wish we would have and hopefully we can implement them now and enjoy them for the next twenty years or 40 or more.  It's never too late to make little changes today that will greatly impact our tomorrows.


1.  Talk to each other as much as you possibly can.  Set aside time in the morning and evening to connect.

2. Start a hobby together early.  The time will come way too quickly that your children start to leave home and you are going to need something fun to do together.

3. Get over his dirty socks being left on the floor.  The sooner that you just start picking them up and putting them in the basket with a joyful heart the quicker it just won't upset you anymore....and it's likely that he will start picking them up too when it doesn't always turn in to an argument between the two of you.

4. Don't EVER get in the habit of saying hurtful things to each other.

5.  Don't expect him to know what you are thinking.  Tell him kindly, gently, and thoughtfully; not harshly, loudly, or carelessly.

6.  You think making love to him in your 20's is amazing, just wait till your 40's!

7.  Listen to him!  He is a man after God's heart and he lives his life to bring God glory.  He is full of wisdom and you can trust him and the two of you together can trust God!

8.  Pray together about the big things and the little things.

9.  Read and learn together.  It will help you be on the same page about things and be able to move forward in unity.  It will give you opportunities to discuss your differences.

10.  If you need him to do something, let him know, remind him once or twice without getting upset, and let it go if he chooses not to do it.  Don't nag, it isn't attractive, neither is whining, or being a brat!

11.  Be willing to do things just because he likes to do them or they are important to him.  You may never come to like those things but the investment in your relationship will be worth it.

12.  Getting a bigger diamond on your 20th anniversary won't mean nearly as much when you get there as you think it does now.

13.  Sometimes you might think that you're living a pretty boring, uneventful, tedious, even monotonous life but a life lived fully every day choosing to stay in love with the same man is a monumental accomplishment.

14.  Having kids is GREAT and exciting, terrifying, exhilarating, and, hard, and fun all at the same time.

15.  You are so in love now with a person you truly barely know, but one day you will know all of his quirks, bad habits, shortcomings and if you will be true to the vows you made, you will love him so much more despite all of those things.

16.  You will need to trust the Lord to carry you through hard times, they will come!

17.  He is easily satisfied, so the fact that he doesn't complain may also mean that he doesn't compliment much.  You can be confident in his love for you.

18.  When your sons are teenagers, he may have some different ideas of how to talk to them about things...It's probably because his primary goal is to raise great men, trust him!

19.  There are some things he just doesn't think about, he will need you to tell him or remind him...don't get mad about it.(Like when he forgot his drivers license when you left on your honeymoon and instead of going to Jamaica you got to spend an extra night in a sketchy hotel in Atlanta.)

20.  Let him know over and over that you love him more with each passing day, that you would choose him again, that you look forward to your tomorrows and that you are grateful for all of your yesterdays.

Forever Grateful for a Friend

As I backed out of the driveway, tears welled up in my eyes, some tears fell because I felt like I was losing someone, but most fell because I was so thankful that I had found someone.  When I found her, over 20 years ago, I had no idea how precious she would become, how much of life we would walk through together, how much our personal likes and dislikes would mean absolutely nothing in the grand scheme of life.

I was in my early twenties and she was even younger.  She was graceful and crafty and naturally beautiful and I was clumsy, loved to shop and hid behind lots of makeup and big hair.  She was a friend of my boyfriend and ran with his crowd and I can remember driving past our "special place" when he said we were going to double date with her and his best friend.... I objected!  "She seems like a nice enough girl, but we have nothing in common."  I went through with it anyway, and there began a beautiful friendship.

When she was in college and I was a newlywed she would come and hang out at my house, we shopped, we cooked, we made photo albums together, she helped me make my son's first birthday cake.  Sometimes we wouldn't even have anything to say, but could just BE together, she taught me how to do that, I had no idea that a friendship could grow so much with no words at all.

Between us we have birthed 10 babies, but have only one living parent, and we just aren't old enough for that to be the case, so we have cried floods of tears together, many happy, but many the snot-slinging, blubbering, how will I ever get through this tears.  We have spent many late, late nights together, sometimes with a few other friends, reading God's word, praying, searching book after book for how to love our husbands deeper, raise our children better, become the woman that we were created to be.  She, along with many other friends, has taken care of my home and my family in times when I couldn't. She has helped me see things in my children that I couldn't see and then kept me accountable to speak those things to them, many of which will forever impact their lives.

She is the kind of woman who dreams big and isn't afraid to go after them, or maybe she has been afraid, but pursues her dreams afraid and full of faith!  I've watched her dream and attempt things that I would have never had the courage or the know how to do.  I have watched her walk through struggles and hard times with such grace and peace.  The wisdom that she speaks goes deep to my heart; it challenges me, it encourages me, it propels me to seek the Lord more, to listen to Him more closely, to often times reconsider my position or stance on a subject. We have questioned the ways of God together and always come to the conclusion that regardless of our level of understanding, the He is always for us, that He is always good, and that His grace and love is always enough!

She's not going that far away, we can still text, send facebook messages, be at each other's house in less than two hours if we need to.  We can still keep up with what's going on in each other's life and truthfully we will probably not see each other much less now than we have over the past couple of years and she's lived only 10 minutes away but a little piece of my heart was left in her driveway yesterday and I am forever grateful that who she is will forever impact my life.

HONOR

     Again, this year I chose a word at the beginning of the year to be my "WORD."  I've done this for a couple of years and I typically study the word, its meaning, look for examples of it in the Bible and then try to live my day to day life with that word guiding my thoughts and actions.
     This year, HONOR is my word.  I thought it was an interesting word and really wasn't sure how it would play out this year.  I have been shocked at the number of times I have had the opportunity to choose HONOR over dishonor... with my thoughts, words, and actions.

     In Romans 12:10, the Bible says "Love each other with genuine affection, and take delight in honoring each other."...TAKE DELIGHT IN HONORING each other!! Who are each others???Our children, our neighbors, our co-workers, our bosses, our parents, our spouses and even our President.  As a parent, I am fully aware that my children don't always agree with what I say or the rules that I implement, but, I do encourage them that to live a life that honors and glorifies God they should Honor their parents.  On this day, I am reminding myself to Honor our President, eventhough he and I would disagree in many areas...

    As I keep reading in Romans 12, I am encouraged to "REJOICE in our confident hope(Jesus), BE PATIENT in trouble and KEEP ON PRAYING/  When God's people are in need, BE READY TO HELP them.  BLESS those who persecute you and DON'T CURSE THEM; and PRAY that GOD will BLESS them.  BE HAPPY with those who are happy and WEEP with those who weep.  LIVE IN HARMONY with each other. DON'T BE TOO PROUD to enjoy the company of ordinary people and DON"T THINK YOU KNOW IT ALL."  The things in bold are what I will choose to do, not because they are  easy, not because I agree with the plans of our President, but because HONOR is what I believe is right.   I can trust that God knew the outcome of the election long ago and He still saw fit to let the sun rise this morning.  I will continue to pray for him and the leaders of our country and ask God to BLESS HIM with wisdom.  I choose HONOR today because it is RIGHT!
   

Lessons Learned in 40 years

1.  Choosing to not forgive someone is always more damaging to me than the person I choose not to forgive.

2.  Living gratefully helps time slow down and helps me enjoy every moment more.

3.  Kindness and gentleness have gotten me to a much better place in life than harshness and selfishness.

4.  Sometimes we have to make decisions that are right for our family that offend other people.

5.  Humility is a better way than pride.

6.  Things and people don't have to be perfect for me to walk in love, peace, and joy!

7.  If I have unfair and unrealistic expectations of others, I always end up disappointed.

8.  Reading God's word and applying it to my life changes me everyday, little by little into the person I desire to be.

9.  Doing the right things consistently doesn't always bring change as quickly as I would like it to.(only losing 4 lbs in the 3 months that I have been trying.) But quitting and giving up NEVER bring change.

10. Right is right no matter what the circumstances are.

11. Having a great marriage takes intentional effort.

12. Just when we thought we had parenting figured out, our kids became teenagers and its as if we have started playing a whole new ballgame.

13. Sometimes God does put more on us than we can handle so that we recognize our need for Him(so we don't think we can do it all without Him.)

14. I can learn so much from our children and I always want to be open to what they have to teach me.

15. My husband is usually right!

16. I love a new haircut and a Mani/Pedi.

17.  Having each of my children help me in the kitchen one day a week has created something with each of them that I believe will have a positive, long-term, lasting effect on our relationship.

18.  A few friends that will love you at your worst are a treasure and a gift!

19.  Daughters and sons are different but one is not easier than the other.

20.